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The Abridged Infancy Gospel of James

What is the Infancy Gospel of James?

The story of Jesus' parents- going back to Mother Mary's parents, her own birth, and how she got paired with Joseph.

Summary - Top

Pt 1

Ch 1.

Ch 2.

Ch 3.

Ch 4.

Ch 5.

Ch 6.

Ch 7.

Ch 8.

Ch 9.

Ch 10.

Ch 11.

Ch 12.

Ch 13.

Ch 14.

Ch 15.

Ch 16.

Ch 17.

Ch 18.

Ch 19.

Ch 20.

Ch 21.

Ch 22.

Ch 23.

Ch 24.

Ch 25.

Summary and Background

Stats

Other Names
In Jam

Author
Pseudapigrapha by James, Brother of Jesus

Setting Range
50BC-1BC

Categories
Alternate Gospels

Academic Composition Range
140CE-170CE

Historical Preservation
Fully Preserved

Public Domain Translations
PDT

Abridged Status
Finished- 0% Remaining

Original Verse Count
76

Original Word Count
5,093

Abridged Word Count
2,047

Abridged Length
40%

Part 1

Chapter 1

1:1. There was once a rich man named Joachim. He was a very giving person.

1:1. In the histories of the twelve tribes of Israel, Joachim was a very rich man. And he doubled the gifts he offered to the Lord, saying to himself, 'One is from my surplus for all the people, and the other is to the Lord God for forgiveness, to atone for me.'

1:2. His peers were mean to him because he didn't have any kids.

1:2. Now the great day of the Lord was approaching, and the people of Israel were offering their gifts. But Reubel stood before him and said, 'It's not right for you to offer your gifts first, since you haven't had a child in Israel.'

1:3. Joachim got mad and triple checked- but it turns out literally every single good person before him ever had kids, even including Abraham.

1:3. And Joachim was very grieved and went to the (history) of the twelve tribes of the people, saying to himself, 'I'll look in the (history) of the twelve tribes of Israel to see whether I'm the only one who hasn't had a child in Israel.' And he searched, and found that all the just people in Israel had raised children. And he remembered that in the last days of the patriarch Abraham, the Lord God gave him a son, Isaac.

1:4. Joachim got mad and went off into the wilderness for forty days and forty nights, deciding to fast until he got an answer from God.

1:4. And Joachim was very grieved, and didn't go to his wife, but gave himself to the wilderness and pitched his tent there. And Joachim fasted forty days and forty nights, saying to himself, 'I won't go down for food or drink until the Lord my God considers me. Prayer will be my food and drink.'

Chapter 2

2:1. His wife Anna noticed him missing and was really sad, assuming he was dead.

2:1. Now his wife, Anna, mourned and lamented for two reasons. She said, 'I lament that I'm a widow and that I don't have a child.'

2:2. Her assistant came up to her with clean clothes and encouraged her to change into something clean.

2:2. Now the great day of the Lord was approaching, and her servant Juthine said to her, 'How long are you going to humiliate your soul? Look, the great day of the Lord has approached, and it's not right for you to grieve. But take this headband which the leader of the workplace gave me. It's not right for me to wear it, since I'm your servant, and it has a royal mark.'

2:3. "I think you're lying to me, get out of here! Leave me be!" Anna said.
"God is never going to give you a kid," the assistant said.

2:3. And Anna said, 'Get away from me! I won't do this. The Lord God has greatly humiliated me. Maybe a trickster gave this to you, and you've come to get me to share in your sin.'\nAnd Juthine the servant said, 'Why should I curse you, since you haven't heard my voice? The Lord God has made your womb infertile, to give you no fruit in Israel.'

2:4. This made Anna really mad, and she took off her clothes, and got dressed in her wedding dress.
She went down to the garden and sat under a tree, and prayed to God, asking for a blessing like the one given to Sarah.

2:4. And Anna was very grieved, and removed her garment of mourning, washed her head, and put on her wedding garment. And at about the ninth hour she went down into her garden to walk around. She saw a laurel tree and sat down under it. And after resting, she petitioned the Lord. She said, 'God of my ancestors, bless me and hear my prayer, as you blessed our mother Sarah and gave her a son, Isaac.'

Chapter 3

3:1. Anna looked up and saw a bird nest.

3:1. Anna looked intently to heaven and saw a nest of sparrows in the laurel tree. And Anna lamented, saying to herself,\n'Woe is me! Who gave birth to me? What womb bore me? I was born as a curse before the people of Israel and have been despised; they've mocked me and banished me from the Temple of the Lord my God.

3:2-8. She started saying, "Why was I even born? I'm no good, apparently. Everything else can have children, I can't."

3:2. Woe is me! What am I like? I'm not like the birds of heaven, because even the birds of heaven are fruitful before you, Lord.\n'Woe is me! What am I like? I'm not like the animals, because even the animals are fruitful before you, Lord.\n'Woe is me! What am I like? I'm not like the wild beasts of the earth, because even the wild beasts of the earth are fruitful before you, Lord.

3:3. Woe is me! What am I like? I'm not like these waters, because even these waters are serene yet churn, and their fish bless you, Lord.\n'Woe is me! What am I like? I'm not like this earth, because the earth produces her fruits when it's time and blesses you, Lord.'

Chapter 4

4:1. Then an angel appeared to her, saying "God has heard your prayer, and you'll have a child! They'll even be pretty famous, too!"
Anna said, "Thanks God! I won't even care what gender they are!"

4:1. And look! An angel of the Lord stood nearby, saying to her, 'Anna, Anna, the Lord has heard your prayer. You'll conceive and give birth, and your offspring will be spoken of through the whole world.'\nAnd Anna said, 'As the Lord God lives, whether I give birth to a boy or a girl, I'll bring it as a gift to the Lord my God, and it will minister to him all the days of its life.'

4:2. Then 2 more angels appeared, saying, "Look, see, there's your husband!"
Then the angel went to Joachim, and said, "Your prayer has been answered! Your wife is pregnant!"

4:2. And look! Two angels came, saying to her, 'Look, Joachim, your husband, is coming with his flocks.' For an angel of the Lord had gone down to Joachim, saying, 'Joachim, Joachim, the Lord God has heard your prayer. Go down from here. Look, your wife, Anna, has conceived in her womb.'

4:3. Joachim planned a party big enough for the whole city.
Joachim got closer to home, and Anna was waiting, standing at the gate.

4:3. And immediately Joachim went down and called the shepherds, saying to them, 'Bring here to me ten lambs without spot or blemish, and the ten lambs will be for the Lord God. And bring me twelve tender calves for the priests and the elders. And a hundred male goats for all the people.'

4:4. She ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck, "We are blessed with a child!" she said. They went in and rested.

4:4. And look! Joachim came with his flocks, and Anna stood at the gate. And she saw Joachim coming with his flocks, and immediately ran and flung herself around his neck, saying, 'Now I know that the Lord God has greatly blessed me. For look! The widow is no longer a widow, and look! The one without a child in her womb has conceived.'\nAnd Joachim rested for the first day in his house.

Chapter 5

5:1. Joachim got a positive sign from God in church.

5:1. And the next day, he was offering his gifts, saying to himself, 'If the Lord God is reconciled to me, the plate worn by the priest will make it clear to me.' And Joachim offered his gifts and paid attention to the priest's plate as he went up to the altar of the Lord. And he didn't see sin in it. And Joachim said, 'Now I know that the Lord God has been reconciled to me and has sent all my sins away from me.' And he went down from the Temple of the Lord justified and went into his house.

5:2. Seven months passed, and Anna gave birth.
"It's a girl!" the midwife said.
"Yay!" Anna said, and put the baby to bed.
Everything went swimmingly, and they named the child Mary.

5:2. And about six months were completed, and in the seventh month she gave birth. And Anna said to her midwife, 'What is it?'\nAnd the midwife said, 'It's a girl!'\nAnd Anna said, 'My soul is magnified this day!' And she laid down her child.\nAnd when her days were completed, Anna cleansed her flow of blood. And she gave her breast to the child, and gave her the name Mary.

Chapter 6

6:1. Day after day, the child grew up.
She took her first seven steps at 6 months old.
After seeing this, her mother locked her in her room until she could take her to the temple.

6:1. And day by day, the child grew stronger. When she was six months old, her mother stood her on the ground to test whether she could stand. And walking seven steps, she came to her mother's breast, and her mother caught her up, saying, 'As the Lord my God lives, you won't walk on this ground again until I bring you into the Temple of the Lord.'\nAnd she made a sanctuary in her bedroom and didn't allow anything sacrilegious or impure to pass through it. And she called the pure daughters of the Hebrews, and they played with her.

6:2. On Mary's first birthday, Joachim threw a big party. He invited the regular priests and the high priests and the whole country.
The regular priests blessed Mary, saying, "God will make her famous."
The high priests blessed Mary, saying, "God will make her the best ever."

6:2. And when the child grew to be a year old, Joachim made a great feast, and called the chief priests, and the priests, and the scribes, and the elders, and all the people of Israel. And Joachim brought the child to the priests, and they blessed her, saying, 'God of our ancestors, bless this child and give her a name that'll be spoken forever among all generations.'\nAnd all the people said, 'So be it. Amen!'\nAnd they brought her to the chief priests, and they blessed her, saying, 'Most High God, look upon this child, and bless her with a final blessing which can't be surpassed.'

6:3. Anna took Mary to her room and fed her and sang her a song, then prayed.
She laid Mary down to sleep and went back to the party.
Eventually, everyone left. It was a good party.

6:3. And her mother took her up to the sanctuary of her bedroom and gave her breast to the child. And Anna made a song to the Lord God, saying:\n'I'll sing a holy song to the Lord my God, because God has visited me, and has removed the criticism of my enemies.\n'And the Lord God has given me the fruit of God's justice, singular yet manifold before God.\n'Who will report to Reubel's people that Anna nurses a child? 'Listen, listen, twelve tribes of Israel: Anna nurses a child!'' \nAnd Anna rested in the sanctuary of her bedroom. And she went and ministered to them. When dinner was finished, they went down rejoicing and glorifying the God of Israel.

Chapter 7

7:1. On her second birthday, Joachim wanted to take Mary to the temple and tell everyone about all the miracles. Anna wanted to wait another year, so they did.

7:1. And she cared for her child through the months. When she was two years old, Joachim said, 'Let's take her to the Temple of the Lord, so that we may keep the promise we made, so that the Lord won't be angry with us and find our gift unacceptable.'\nBut Anna said, 'Let's wait until her third year, so that she won't seek her father or mother.'\nAnd Joachim said, 'Let's wait.'

7:2. On her third birthday, they called the holy women to bless Mary, and took off to the temple.
The priest welcomed them, and kissed Mary, blessing her.

7:2. And the child became three years old, and Joachim said, 'Let's call the pure daughters of the Hebrews. And let them take their lamps, and let them be lit, so that the child won't turn back, and her heart won't be drawn away from the Temple of the Lord.' And they did so until they went up to the Temple of the Lord.\nAnd the priest welcomed her, kissed her, and said, 'The Lord God has magnified your name among all the generations. Through you, the Lord will reveal his redemption of the people of Israel in the last days.'

7:3. God shone light on Mary, and she broke out into a dance. Everyone was a fan.

7:3. And he sat her down on the third step of the altar, and the Lord God poured grace upon her. And she danced on her feet, and all the house of Israel loved her.

Chapter 8

8:1. Her parents were so proud of her, she didn't even need any support.

8:1. And her parents went down, marveling and praising and glorifying the Lord God that the child hadn't turned back. And Mary was in the Temple of the Lord. She was nurtured like a dove, and received food from the hand of an angel.

8:2. When she turned 12, a group of priests got fed up with Mary. "What can we do to get her out of here?" they asked themselves and asked the high priest to go and ask God.

8:2. And when she became twelve years old, there was a council of the priests, saying, 'Look, Mary has been in the Temple of the Lord twelve years. What should we do about her so that she won't pollute the sanctuary of the Lord our God?' And they said to the chief priest, 'You stand at the altar of the Lord. Go in and pray about her, and if the Lord God reveals anything to you, we'll do it.'

8:3. The priest went into the temple, and prayed. An angel appeared and said, "Go look for widowers. God will give a sign- and he will watch over her."
They started the search.

8:3. And the chief priest went in, taking the robe with twelve bells into the Holy of Holies, and prayed about her. And look! An angel of the Lord stood nearby, saying, 'Zechariah, Zechariah, go out and assemble the widowers of the people, and let them each bear a staff. And whomever the Lord God points out with a sign, she'll be his wife.'\nAnd the heralds went down through the whole surrounding area of Judea, and sounded the trumpet of the Lord. And look! All the men rushed in.

Chapter 9

9:1. A man named Joseph heard some commotion out in town and went to check it out. The high priest gave all the men in the city sticks and made them hold it out one a time. Joseph was last. He held out his stick, and a dove came and landed on it.
"That's the sign!" The high priest said, "You have to marry Mary!"

9:1. And Joseph threw down his axe, and went to their meeting. And when they had all gathered, they went to the priest with their staffs. And having taken all their staffs, he went into the Temple and prayed. And when he had finished the prayer, he took the staffs, went out, and gave them back. But there wasn't a sign among them. And Joseph took his staff last, and look! A dove went from the staff, and flew upon Joseph's head. And the priest said to Joseph, 'You've been chosen to welcome the virgin of the Lord into your own care.'

9:2. "That's insane, she's a kid! I'm a widower- my children are grown!" Joseph said.
The high priest said, "Well- God said so. Do you really want piss off God?"

9:2. But Joseph refused, saying, 'I have sons and am an old man, but she's young. I won't be a laughingstock among the people of Israel.'\nAnd the priest said, 'Joseph, fear the Lord your God, and remember what God did to Dathan, Abiron, and Kore; how the earth opened and swallowed them all because of their rebellion. And now fear, Joseph, so that these things won't happen in your house.'

9:3. "Fine," Joseph said, and took her home.
"I'm going to work, but I'll be back soon. God will protect you," Joseph said to her.

9:3. And being afraid, Joseph welcomed her into his care, and said to her, 'Mary, I've taken you from the Temple of the Lord, and now I bring you to my house. I'm going away to build houses, but I'll come back to you. The Lord will protect you.'

Chapter 10

10:1. After a few years, around the time Mary was 16, the priests wanted to make a curtain for God.
They gathered up 7 young women, including Mary.

10:1. And there was a council of the priests, saying, 'Let's make a veil for the Temple of the Lord.'\nAnd the priest said, 'Call the pure virgins from the tribe of David to me.' And the officers went out and searched and found seven. And the priest remembered that the child Mary was from the tribe of David and pure before God. And the officers went out and brought her.

10:2. The high priest made them roll dice to see who got to spin what color.
Mary got purple and scarlet. She took the thread home.
Mary spun the scarlet thread.

10:2. And they brought them into the Temple of the Lord, and the priest said, 'Cast lots for me to see who will spin the gold and the white and the linen and the silk and the violet and the scarlet and the true purple.'\nAnd the lot for the true purple and scarlet fell to Mary. And she took them into her house. This was the time that Zechariah fell silent, and Samuel took his place until Zechariah could speak. And Mary took the scarlet and was spinning it.

Chapter 11

11:1. She went to get a drink of water.
Suddenly, she heard a voice say, "Hey! You're blessed- God is with you."
She looked around terrified but couldn't see anything.
So she just sat down and started nervously spinning the purple thread.

11:1. And she took the pitcher and went to fill it with water, and look! A voice was saying to her, 'Rejoice, blessed one! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women.'\nAnd Mary looked around to the right and the left, to see where the voice might be coming from. And she became terrified and went into her house. And setting down the pitcher, she took up the purple and sat upon her throne and spun the purple.

11:2. An angel appeared before her, saying, "Don't be afraid Mary, God is proud. You will have a child from God."
Mary said, "Um, like every other person does? How is that going to work?"

11:2. And look! An angel of the Lord stood before her, saying, 'Don't fear, Mary, because you've found grace before the Lord of All. You'll conceive from God's word.'\nAnd hearing this, Mary questioned herself, saying, 'Will I conceive from the Lord, the living God, and give birth like all women give birth?'

11:3. The Angel said, "No, not like normal. You will have a special magic pregnancy. Name him Jesus, because he will save people from their sins."
"Yes, God!" Mary said.

11:3. And the angel of the Lord said to her, 'Not like that, Mary, because the power of God will overshadow you, so the holy one who will be born from you will be called the Son of the Most High. And you'll call his name Jesus, because he'll save his people from their sins.\nAnd Mary said, 'Look, I'm the servant of the Lord. May it be to me according to your word.'

Chapter 12

12:1. Mary finished spinning the thread and returned it to the priest.
He was happy with the finished result.

12:1. And she made the purple and the scarlet, and she took it to the priest. And taking it, the priest blessed her and said, 'Mary, the Lord God has magnified your name, and you'll be blessed among all the generations of the earth.'

12:2. Mary went to see her cousin Elizabeth, who instantly knew about her magic baby.
She was happy to see Mary.
Elizabeth's own child jumped in her womb.
Mary was humble.

12:2. And Mary rejoiced and went to her cousin Elizabeth. And she knocked at the door. And Elizabeth heard, flung down the scarlet, and rushed to the door. And she opened it and blessed her and said, 'How is it that the mother of my Lord should come to me? Because look, the one in me leaped and blessed you!'\nBut Mary forgot the mysteries which Gabriel the angel had told her. And she looked intently into heaven and said, 'Lord, who am I, that all the women of the earth will bless me?'

12:3. Mary spent three months with Elizabeth, afraid to return home.

12:3. And she spent three months with Elizabeth. And day by day, her womb grew larger, and Mary was afraid. She went to her house and hid herself from the people of Israel. She was sixteen years old when these mysteries happened to her.

Chapter 13

13:1. In the 6th month of pregnancy, Joseph came home and saw her pregnant.
He was distraught- how could a child get pregnant under his care?

13:1. And she was in her sixth month. And look! Joseph came from his building, and came into the house, and found her pregnant. And he struck his face and flung himself on the ground in sackcloth and wept bitterly, saying, 'How can I look to the Lord God? What prayer can I say about this young girl, since I took her as a virgin from the Temple of the Lord God and didn't protect her? Who has set this trap for me? Who has done this evil thing in my house? Who has defiled the virgin? Aren't I reliving the story of Adam? For as Adam was glorifying in the hour of prayer, the serpent came, found Eve alone, and deceived her, and now it's happened to me!'

13:2. Joseph said to Mary, "How could you do this to yourself? You ruined your future!"

13:2. And Joseph stood from the sackcloth and called her and said to her, 'God cared for you. Why have you done this? You've forgotten the Lord your God. Why have you humiliated your soul? You were nourished in the Holy of Holies and received food from the hand of an angel!'

13:3. She cried and said, "I did not do this- I've never even had sex!"
Joseph pointed to her stomach, "Oh yeah? What's that then?"
She said, "I have no idea- ask God!"

13:3. And she wept bitterly, saying, 'I'm pure, and I haven't known a man!'\nAnd Joseph said to her, 'Where then did this thing in your womb come from?'\nAnd she said, 'As the Lord my God lives, I don't know where it came from!'

Chapter 14

14:1. Joseph was really freaked out about this and didn't know what to do.
"If she is lying, then I'm helping her cover up a mistake, and if not, then I'm betraying God," he thought to himself, "so I'll just hide her so no one knows."

14:1. And Joseph was very afraid and kept quiet about her, considering what to do about her. And Joseph said, 'If I hide her sin, I'll be found resisting the law of the Lord, but if I reveal her to the people of Israel, I'm afraid that what's inside her might be angelic, and I'll be found handing over innocent blood to the judgment of death. So what will I do about her? I'll secretly set her free from me.'\nAnd night overtook him.

14:2. He fell asleep, and an angel came to him in a dream. "Do not fear the kid, for the child within her is from God. Name the kid Jesus- because he will save people."
Joseph woke up and believed and protected them both.

14:2. And look! An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, 'Don't fear this child, for the one in her is from the Holy Spirit. And she'll give birth to a son, and you'll call his name 'Jesus,' because he'll save his people from their sins.'\nAnd Joseph arose from his sleep and glorified the God of Israel, who had given grace to him. And he protected her.

Chapter 15

15:1. A scribe went to go check on Joseph and ask why he hadn't been to church.
Joseph said, "Because my back hurts- I need some rest."
The scribe turned to see Mary pregnant

15:1. And Annas the scribe came to him and said to him, 'Joseph, why haven't you appeared among our traveling group?'\nAnd he said to him, 'Because I was weary from the trip and rested the first day back.'\nAnd Annas turned and saw Mary pregnant.

15:2. They immediately ran off to the high priest. "Joseph did something bad!" the scribe said.
"What's that?" the high priest said.
"He got Mary pregnant before they got married and is trying to keep it secret!"
"Really now?" The high priest asked.
"Go send someone to check!"
The person they sent verified this and brought Joseph and Mary back with them to court.

15:2. And he quickly went to the priest and said to him, 'Joseph, about whom you bore witness, has acted very lawlessly.'\nAnd the priest said, 'What's this?'\nAnd he said, 'The virgin that Joseph took from the Temple of the Lord, he's defiled her and has stolen her wedding and hasn't revealed it to the people of Israel.'\nAnd in response the priest said, 'Has Joseph done this?'\nAnd Annas the scribe said to him, 'Send officers, and you'll find the virgin pregnant.'\nAnd the officers went and found her just as he said. And they led her together with Joseph to the court.

15:3. They tried to make Mary feel bad.
Mary cried and swore she didn't do anything.

15:3. And the chief priest said to her, 'Mary, why have you done this? Why have you humiliated your soul and forgotten the Lord your God? You were raised in the Holy of Holies, and received food from the hand of an angel, and you heard its hymns and danced before it. What is this that you've done?'\nAnd she wept bitterly, saying, 'As the Lord God lives, I'm pure before God, and I haven't known a man!'

15:4. So the priest turned to Joseph, "What the fuck?"
"Hey- I didn't touch her." Joseph said.
"I don't believe you- tell the truth!" the priest said.
Joseph was silent.

15:4. And the priest said, 'Joseph, what is this that you've done?'\nAnd Joseph said, 'As the Lord my God lives, and the witness of God's truth, I'm pure toward her.'\nAnd the priest said, 'Don't bear false witness, but tell the truth. You stole her wedding and didn't reveal it to the people of Israel, and you haven't bowed your head under the mighty hand that should bless your offspring.'\nAnd Joseph fell silent.

Chapter 16

16:1. The priest demanded the two be split up, for Mary to return to the temple.
Joseph stood up and said neither did anything wrong- and that God told him to protect them. "Test us! Let us stand before God," Joseph said.

16:1. And the priest said, 'Return the virgin you took from the Temple of the Lord.'\nAnd Joseph was tearful.\nAnd the chief priest said, 'I'll give you the water of the Lord's rebuke to drink, and it'll reveal your sin in your eyes.'

16:2. "Fine," the high priest said. He gave them a drink of water and made them each wander through the desert. They both came back unharmed.

16:2. And taking (the water), the priest gave it to Joseph and sent him into the wilderness. And Joseph returned unharmed.\nAnd he gave it to Mary and sent her into the wilderness. And she returned unharmed.\nAnd all the people were amazed that their sin wasn't revealed.

16:3. "Fair enough," the high priest said.
They went back to home, praising God.

16:3. And the priest said, 'If the Lord God hasn't revealed your sin to you, neither do I judge you.' And he set them free. \nAnd Joseph took Mary and went to his house, rejoicing and glorifying the God of Israel.

Chapter 17

17:1. Then a census was issued.
Joseph didn't know how to register Mary or Jesus because of the weird situation.

17:1. Now an order went out from Augustus the king to register how many people were in Bethlehem of Judea. \nAnd Joseph said, 'I'll register my sons. But what should I do about this child? How will I register her? As my wife? I'm ashamed. As my daughter? But the people of Israel know she's not my daughter. This is the day of the Lord; I'll do whatever the Lord wants.'

17:2. Either way, he sat Mary on a donkey and took off.
A few miles down the road, he turned and saw Mary crying. He wondered what was wrong, but when he turned back around, he saw her laughing.
"Um, are you okay?" Joseph asked.
"I see two people- one crying and in pain, and the other celebrating."

17:2. And he saddled the donkey, and sat her on it, and his son led it, and Samuel followed. \nAnd as they neared the third mile, Joseph turned and saw that she was sad. And he was saying, 'Likely the one inside her is troubling her.' \nAnd again Joseph turned and saw her laughing, and he said to her, 'Mary, why are you like this, that I see your face laughing at one time, but then sad?'\nAnd she said to him, 'It's because I see two people in my eyes. One is crying and mourning, and one is rejoicing and exulting.'

17:3. A little while later, Mary suddenly told Joseph that the baby was coming.
Joseph didn't know where to go. They were in the middle of the desert.

17:3. And they came to the middle of the journey, and Mary said to him, 'Joseph, take me down from the donkey, because the one who's inside me is pushing to come out.'\nAnd he took her down from the donkey and said to her, 'Where will I take you and shelter you in your awkwardness? This place is a wilderness.'

Chapter 18

18:1. Joseph found a cave and they settled in, while he went to go find someone to help.

18:1. And he found a cave there, brought her (to it), and stationed his sons with her and went to look for a Hebrew midwife in the region of Bethlehem.

18:2. Joseph wandered, but not too far. He found a small farm.
All of a sudden, time seemed to stand still, and everyone's eyes shot to a light in the sky. The workmen stopped chewing right in the middle of eating, the shepherd's hand froze in the sky, and even the goats looked up.
Then everything went back to normal.

18:2. Now I, Joseph, was wandering but not wandering. And I looked up to the dome of heaven and saw it standing still, and into the sky, and I was astonished to see that even the birds of heaven were still. And I looked at the ground and saw a bowl lying there, and workers reclining, and their hands were in the bowl, and they were chewing but not chewing, and they were picking up food but not picking up food, and they were bringing it to their mouths but not bringing it to their mouths. Rather, all their faces were looking up.\nAnd I saw sheep being driven, but the sheep stood still. And the shepherd lifted his hand to strike them, but his hand was raised. And I looked into the torrent of the river and saw young goats, and their mouths were in the water but not drinking. \nAnd suddenly, everything resumed its course.

Chapter 19

19:1. A woman came running up to Joseph, and asked who he was.
"I'm looking for a nurse or midwife," he said.
"Are you from around here?" she asked, and he said yes.
"Who is giving birth?"
"My fiancé."
"Oh- you're not married yet?"
"It's a long story, but essentially God made me watch over her and then made her pregnant."
"Really?"
"Yeah- go see." He said.
So the midwife followed him, getting to the cave.

19:1. And look! A woman was coming down from the mountain, and she said to me, 'Man, where are you going?'\nAnd I said, 'I'm seeking a Hebrew midwife.'\nAnd in reply she said to me, 'Are you from Israel?'\nAnd I said to her, 'Yes.'\nThen she said, 'And who's the one giving birth in the cave?'\nAnd I said, 'My betrothed.'\nAnd she said to me, 'She's not your wife?'\nAnd I said to her, 'Mary was nurtured in the Temple of the Lord, and it was decided by lot that she would be my wife, yet she's not my wife; but she's conceived from the Holy Spirit.'\nAnd the midwife said, 'Really?'\nAnd Joseph said to her, 'Come and see.'\nAnd the midwife went with him.

19:2. It was dark, but she knew right away it was a miracle.
Immediately a light shone from the cave, so bright they couldn't look.
And from that light came a little baby. Mary gave him a hug.
The midwife said, "Holy shit! A true miracle!"

19:2. And they stood in front of the cave, and a bright cloud overshadowed the cave. And the midwife said, 'My soul is magnified today, because my eyes have seen something wonderful. Salvation has been born to Israel!'\nAnd immediately the cloud withdrew from the cave, and a great light appeared in the cave, so that their eyes couldn't bear it. And a little later, the light withdrew until an infant appeared. And he came and took the breast of his mother, Mary.\nAnd the midwife cried out and said, 'How great today is for me, that I've seen this new miracle!'

19:3. She left and found someone named Salome and told her about the miracle.
"No way! I have to see for myself!" Salome said.

19:3. And the midwife went out from the cave, and Salome met her. \nAnd she said to her, 'Salome, Salome, I have to describe a new sight to you. A virgin has given birth, which is against her nature!'\nAnd Salome said, 'As the Lord my God lives, unless I examine her condition, I won't believe that the virgin has given birth.'

Chapter 20

20:1. The midwife introduced Salome to Mary.
Salome looked at Mary up and down and doubted. She touched Mary to check if it was a miracle.
Suddenly her hand started burning, and it fell off.

20:1. And the midwife went in and said, 'Mary, position yourself, because there's no small test coming concerning you.'\nAnd Salome examined her. And Salome cried out and said, 'Woe because of my lawlessness and my unbelief! Because I've tested the living God, and look! My hand is on fire and falling away from me!'

20:2. She dropped to the ground and apologized for doubting God.

20:2. And she dropped to her knees before the Lord, saying, 'God of my ancestors, remember me, that I've descended from Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Don't make an example of me to the people of Israel, but give me the back to the poor, because you know, Lord, that in your name I've healed people, and I've received my wages from you.'

20:3. An angel appeared and told Salome to hold the child and bless him.

20:3. And look! An angel of the Lord appeared, saying to her, 'Salome, Salome, the Lord of All has heard your prayer. Bring your hand to the child and lift him up, and you'll receive salvation and joy.'

20:4. She did, and she was healed, and left.
A voice told her to hold off on telling anyone.

20:4. And Salome joyfully went to the child and lifted him up, saying, 'I worship him, because a great king has been born to Israel.' And immediately Salome was healed, and she left the cave justified.\nAnd look! A voice was saying, 'Salome, Salome, don't report the wonderful things you've seen until the child comes into Jerusalem.'

Chapter 21

21:1. Meanwhile, a few traveling people had also seen the star that Joseph had seen.
They made their way back to King Herod and told him.

21:1. And look! Joseph prepared to go out into Judea when a great commotion arose in Bethlehem of Judea. For magi came, saying, 'Where is the king of the Jews? For we saw his star in the East and have come to worship him.'

21:2. He questioned the high priests about everything that was going on. They told him the Messiah was supposed to be born in Bethlehem. He let them go.
He asked the people what exactly they saw, and they described a bright light in the sky- brighter than any star.
Herod told them to go check it out and report back.

21:2. And when Herod heard, he was disturbed, and he sent officers to the magi, and sent for the chief priests and questioned them in his palace, saying to them, 'What has been written about the Christ? Where will he be born?'\nThey said to him, 'In Bethlehem of Judea, for this is what's written.' And he set them (the chief priests) free.\nAnd he questioned the magi, saying to them, 'What sign did you see about the one who's been born king?'\nAnd the magi said, 'We saw an immense star shining among the other stars and dimming them so much that they weren't even visible. And so we knew that a king had been born for Israel, and we came to worship him.'\nAnd Herod said to them, 'Go and search, and if you find him, report to me so that I can also come and worship him.'

21:3. They left and traveled until they found the cave; and gave gifts of gold and incense.
The family had been warned about the king by an angel and decided to flee back home.

21:3. And the magi went, and look! The star they had seen in the East led them until they came to the cave, and it stood over the head of the cave. And when they saw him with his mother Mary, the magi took gifts from their bags: gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.\nAnd having been warned by the angel not to go into Judea, they returned to their country by another way.

Chapter 22

22:1. When Herod figured out the people had all left and not come back, he ordered every child under 2 killed in the whole country.

22:1. When Herod saw that he had been tricked by the magi, he was angry. He sent out his killers, telling them to kill all the infants two years old and younger.

22:2. When Mary heard, she wrapped Jesus in blankets and hid him in with some cows.

22:2. And when Mary heard that the infants were being killed, she was afraid. She took her child, wrapped him in cloths, and put him in a manger for cows.

22:3. When Elizabeth heard, she took her kid, named John, and ran for the mountains. She couldn't find anywhere to hide. She cried out to God, and suddenly a cave opened in a side of a cliff, and an angel called her inside.

22:3. And when Elizabeth heard that John was sought, she took him up into the hills and looked around for somewhere to hide him, but there wasn't a hiding place. Then Elizabeth groaned and said, 'Mountain of God, take a mother with her child,' because Elizabeth was unable to go up higher. And immediately, the mountain split and took her, and a light shone through the mountain for her. For an angel of the Lord was with them, protecting them.

Chapter 23

23:1. Herod kept looking for John.
He sent his servants to Elizabeth's husband, a priest named Zechariah. They said, "Where did you hide your son?"
Zechariah said, "I am here serving God, how should I know where my son is?"

23:1. But Herod asked for John and sent officers to Zechariah, saying to him, 'Where are you hiding your son?'\nBut he replied, saying to them, 'I'm a minister of God, and I sit in God's Temple. How should I know where my son is?'

23:2-5. This made Herod angry.
They threatened him.

23:2. And his officers went away and reported all these things to Herod. And Herod was angry, and said, 'His son is about to be king over Israel!'\nAnd he sent his officers again, to say to him, 'Tell me the truth. Where's your son? You know that your life is in my hand.'\nAnd the officers went away and reported these things to him.

23:3. And Zechariah said, 'I'm a martyr of God if you shed my blood, because the Lord will receive my spirit, since you'll be spilling innocent blood at the entrance of the Temple of the Lord.' \nAnd around daybreak, Zechariah was murdered, and the people of Israel didn't know that he was murdered.

23:3-9. Zechariah said, "Go ahead and kill me- you'll be the ones shedding innocent blood in the temple. I've done nothing wrong."
They killed him.

Chapter 24

24:1. The priests got back to the temple and noticed Zechariah missing.

24:1. But at the hour of greeting, the priests came, and Zechariah didn't meet them to bless them as was customary. And the priests stood around for Zechariah, waiting to greet him with a blessing and to glorify the Most High God.

24:2. They were really worried.
They looked around and one person found spattered blood.
They heard a voice that told them Zechariah had been murdered, and called for vengeance.

24:2. But when he delayed, they were all afraid. But one of them gathered the courage to go into the sanctuary and saw blood clotted beside the altar of the Lord. And a voice was saying, 'Zechariah has been murdered, and his blood won't be wiped away until his avenger comes!'\nWhen he heard this saying, he was afraid, and he went and reported to the priests what he had seen and heard.

24:3. Terrified, they called everyone else into the room and showed them.
There was no body- just blood that had turned to stone.
They went and told all the townsfolk about the murder.
Everyone mourned for three days.

24:3. And they gathered their courage and went and saw what had taken place. And the panels of the Temple cried out, and they (the priests) ripped their clothes from top to bottom. And they didn't find his corpse, but they found his blood had turned to stone. And they were afraid, and they went out and reported to all the people that Zechariah had been murdered. And when all the tribes of the people heard, they mourned him and wept three days and three nights.

24:4. They chose who would take Zechariahs place- it was someone named Simeon.

24:4. And after three days, the priests held a council about who should replace Zechariah. And the lot fell to Simeon, for he was told by the Holy Spirit that he wouldn't see death until he saw the Christ in the flesh.

Chapter 25

25:1-2. I, James, am the one who wrote this when Herod died.
I went into the desert until everything calmed down.
I prayed for the wisdom to write this down.
God bless.

25:1. Now I, James, wrote this history in Jerusalem when there was a commotion over Herod's death. I went into the wilderness until the commotion in Jerusalem had died down. I was glorifying the Lord God, who gave me the wisdom to write this history.

25:2. And grace will be with all who fear the Lord. Amen.

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