The Abridged Book of Genesis

1:1-2. In the beginning of God creating Heaven and the Earth, The Earth was empty and dark, and God looked down at it.

1:3-5. God said, “Let there be light,” and there was. God saw the light was good, and separated it from the dark. God called the Light day and the Dark night. That was the first day.

1:6-8. On the second day, God said, “Let there be a boundary,” and separated Heaven from Earth.

1:9-10. On the third day, God said, “Let the water be gathered in one place so that dry land may appear.” It happened. God named them the Earth and the Sea.

1:11-13.  Then God said, “Let there be grass, and seeds, and fruit, and trees.” It happened.

1:14-19. On the fourth day, God said, “Let there be lights in the sky. Some for the day, some for the night, others for the seasons, and still others for different years. Let them give light to the Earth.” God made the sun, moon, and stars.

1:20-23. On the fifth day, God said, “Let there be fish and birds.” There was. God told them to have many babies.

1:24-25. On the sixth day, God said, “Let there be mammals and other animals,” and it happened.

1:26-31. Then God said, “I will make Humans, and make them be just like me. I will give them control over the plants and animals.” That happened, too.

2:1-3. So, creation was all done. On the 7th day, God rested, blessing it and making it special.

2:4-8. God took the first human and put them in a garden.

2:9. God created two trees- one called the Tree of Life, and the other called the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

2:10-14. There were 4 rivers going through the garden.

2:15. God asked the human to watch over the garden.

2:16-17. God said, “You can eat from any tree you want- just not from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil- or else you will die.”

2:18-20. Then God wanted to make the first human a friend, so God gathered all the animals and let the human name them. But this wasn’t quite enough for the lonely human.

2:21. So God put the human to sleep and split them in half.

2:22-24. “Now they can get married!” God said.

2:25. They were both naked and proud.

3:1-5. The humans were named Adam and Eve. One day, a snake went up to them and told them to eat from the tree that God had told them not to.

3:6-7. They did. Immediately they realized they were naked, and they became embarrassed, and they got leaves to cover themselves up.

3:8-10. Then God went looking for them. Adam hid for a while, until he finally came out, and apologized, saying he was sorry for being naked.

3:11. “Who told you that you were naked?” God asked, “Did you eat from the tree?”

3:12. “Eve made me do it!” Adam said.

3:13. God looked at Eve.
“The snake made me do it!” Eve said.

3:14-23. God cursed the snake. Then God cursed Adam and Eve- they would have to work to survive and then just die.
God made them some clothes, but then kicked them out of the garden to make sure they couldn’t eat from the Tree of Life and end up living forever.

3:24. God put a flaming sword in front of the Tree of Life.

4:1-2. Adam and Eve had two sons named Cain and Abel. Abel watched over animals, and Cain watched over the plants.

4:3-5. They each brought God some offerings, but God liked Abel’s better.

4:6-7. Cain was sad. God said, “Do better next time."

4:8. Cain got mad and killed Abel in secret.

4:9-15. One day, God was looking for Abel and couldn’t find him, so he asked Cain.
Cain shrugged his shoulders, but God knew the truth. God cursed Cain to wander the earth for the rest of eternity.
God threatened to curse anyone who killed Cain in order to help put him out of his misery- Cain had to suffer forever.

4:16-17. Eventually, Cain found a wife and settled down. Their settlement grew into a big city.

4:18-24. Many generations later, one of Cain’s descendants was ruler of the city.
Someone broke in to assassinate him, but he defended himself and killed that person.

4:25. Adam and Eve had another child named Seth.

4:26. Seth had a child named Enosh, and everyone started worshipping God.

5:1-32. The Generations after Adam:
Seth
Enosh
Cainan
Mahalaleel
Jared
Enoch
Methuselah
Lamech
Noah
Shem, Ham, Japheth

6:1-2. At one point in time, angels came to Earth and started marrying humans.

6:3. This made God limit the human lifespan to 120 years old.

6:4. The giant angel-human hybrids became great rulers.

6:5. There was lots of messed up things going on.

6:11-12. There was tons of evil on the earth.

6:6-10. God got sad and was about to wipe out the whole earth, but then God saw Noah.
Noah was just an all-around wholesome person.

6:12-22. God gave Noah a warning they were going to flood and destroy the earth.
God told him to make a wooden boat, and take his family and a pair of each type of animal on board, along with enough food.

7:1-5. Noah did what God asked.

7:6-11. Noah loaded up the boat, and after 7 days it started raining.

7:12-17. It rained for 40 days and nights.

7:18-20. There was a lot of water.

7:21-23. Everything died.

7:24. The water stayed for 150 days.

8:1-15. Noah sent out birds to check until the earth was dry.

8:16-19. When it was dry, God told everyone and everything to go start making babies.

8:20. Noah built an altar for God.

8:21-22. God promised never to destroy the world again.

9:1-2. God said, “You are in control of the earth.”

9:3-4. God said, “Eat whatever you want, as long as isn’t living and doesn’t have blood still in it.”

9:5-6. God said, “No killing each other.”

9:7. God said, “Have plenty of children.”

9:8-17. God said, “I promise never to destroy the world ever again. I promise you and every person ever. Look- a rainbow! It’s the sign of my promise!”

9:18-19. Noah's sons were named Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

9:20. Noah was a farmer who had a vineyard.

9:21. One day he got drunk and passed out naked.

9:22. Ham saw this, and started laughing and told his brothers.

9:23. Shem and Japheth just laid a blanket on him to cover him up.

9:24-27. Noah woke up and heard. He cursed Ham and blessed Shem and Japheth.

9:28-29. Eventually, Noah died.

10:1. Some more genealogy:

10:2-5. Japheth had sons named Gomer and Javan

10:6-7. Ham had sons named Cush, Egypt, and Canaan

10:8-12. Cush had a son named Nimrod who was a legendary hero and hunter. Nimrod’s kingdom was in Babylon. He founded many cities, including Nineveh.

10:13-20. Egypt and Canaan had many children & tribes.

10:21-31. Shem had many children, too.

10:32. Noah’s children and their children spread out far & wide.

11:1-2. The whole world had only one language. Everyone lived in Babylon.

11:3-4. They came together and built a giant city and tower of bricks and tar. It was called Babel.

11:5-9. But God saw and knocked it all down and made them speak different languages. God scattered them across the whole earth.

11:10-32. The next important person is named Abraham. Here are the generations between Shem and Abraham.
Shem
Arphaxad
Shelah
Eber
Peleg
Reu
Serug
Nahor
Terah
Abraham, Nahor, Haran

12:1. One day, God told someone named a sheep herder named Abraham to pack up his belongings and go back to the land of his ancestors, because God had a huge surprise ready for him.

12:2-3. God said he will make a great nation through Abraham, and will bless all nations on earth through him.

12:4-5. So Abraham did as he was asked. He packed up all his belongings and left with his wife Sarah and his nephew Lot. They headed for the land called Canaan.

12:6-9. Abraham traveled far through the land, and God showed him some nice spots to build an alter and pray.

12:10. They were running out of food, so they decided to go to Egypt.

12:11-13. As they were approaching the border, Abraham told Sarah to pretend to be his sister that way the Egyptians wouldn’t be jealous of how cool she was.

12:14-16. When they got there, the Egyptians, including the Pharoah, thought Sarah was really super cool, and treated Abraham well.

12:17-20. One day, the Pharoah tried to make a move on Sarah, and she denied him. The Pharoah was mad at Abraham because he didn’t tell the truth, and said that otherwise he wouldn’t have made a move. So he kicked them out.

13:1-4. Abraham left for the desert with Sarah & Lot, having become pretty rich with animals and workers. They wandered until they found an old campsite.

13:5-7. Lot was traveling with Abraham, and had herds of animals and workers, too. There wasn’t enough food for both of their groups, and their workers started arguing.

13:8-9. So Abraham offered to just split ways.

13:10-11. Lot choose a land he liked and went there.

13:12. Abraham settled in Canaan, and Lot settled in the Jordan River valley.

13:14-17. God told Abraham that he was going to bless him, and said, "You will have as many descendants as there are grains of sand on Earth. Go- start walking- see how big your home is."

13:18. Abraham found a nice place to settle.

13:13. Meanwhile, there was a city called Sodom, where the people were evil.

14:1-12. There was a big war against Sodom, and Lot got captured as a prisoner.

14:13. A messenger brought the news to Abraham.

14:14-16. Abraham gathered up his warriors and led a strategic battle, chasing after the enemy and beating them down- and eventually took back everything- all the stolen treasure and captured people. They even took more treasure and prisoners of their own.

14:17. Afterward, Abraham had a meeting with the King of Sodom.

14:21. The king of Sodom wanted the prisoners back.

14:22-24. But Abraham gave the king back everything, because he didn’t want to be associated with Sodom in any way.

14:18. There was a king of Jerusalem named Melchizedek.

14:19-20. He blessed Abraham, and Abraham donated ten percent of what he had.

15:1. Later, God told Abraham he had a reward for him.

15:2-3. Abraham said the only thing he wanted was a child- so that he would have someone to pass things on to.

15:4. God said he would definitely have a kid.

15:5. In fact, God told Abraham to look at the stars- and he will have that many kids.

15:6. Abraham trusted and believed God, and this made God happy with him.

15:7. “You can also have this land,” God said.

15:8. “How do I know it’s mine?” Abraham asked.

15:9. “Bring some animal sacrifices,” God said.

15:10-11. Abraham did, and watched over them, chasing the birds away trying to eat them.

15:12. Eventually, Abraham fell asleep and had a heavy dream.

15:13-16. God said, “Listen up, your family after you will be slaves in a foreign land. But one day after that, I will free them. You will die in peace and be with the ones in your family who have already died.”

15:17. It got dark.

15:18-21. God said to Abraham, “I give you all of this land to you and those who come after you.”

16:1-2. Sarah was unable to get pregnant, and so she suggested that Abraham have children with one of her trusted workers.

16:3-4. The worker, named Hagar, got pregnant and began to become envious of Sarah.

16:5-6. Sarah asked Abraham what to do, and Abraham said whatever was necessary. So she decided to be harsh and yelled at Hagar and she ran away.

16:7-10. An angel found Hagar and talked with her. The angel promised Hagar she would be blessed and have many children, and she should go back to Abraham and Sarah.

16:11-12. The angel also said that the first child, the one she’s pregnant with now, should be named Ishmael. He will be like a wild donkey, and not get along with anyone.

16:13. Hagar said, “I have finally seen the one who sees me.”

16:14-16. Hagar returned and had a son and named him Ishmael.

17:1-2. When Abraham was 99, God appeared to him, and said, “I am God- be a good person. I am here to make you a deal and fulfill my promises.”

17:3. Abraham fell and worshipped.

17:4-8. God said, “This is my covenant with you. You will be the father of many nations- many kings and descendants will come from you. This promise will last forever. I will be your Lord, and the Lord of all your family after you. Now you are an outsider, but you will become owner of all this land.”

17:9-14. God said, “But you must hold up your end. You and your family must continue to do this. Everyone who is able must get circumcised- this will be the sign of our covenant. Anyone who is born, or married in, or joins on their own accord, must get circumcised.”

17:15-16. God said, “Now I will make Sarah pregnant. She will be the mother of many nations.”

17:17-18. Abraham started laughing, “But Sarah is 90 years old! What about Ishmael? Can you bless him?”

17:19-22. God said, “I will bless Ishmael, yes, but you will have a son, and name him Isaac, who will carry on these promises. By this time next year, he will be born.”

17:23-27. Abraham circumcised Ishmael, his workers, and even himself, and everyone else, from here on out.

18:1-2. One hot summer day, three men came to visit Abraham. He went to greet them. Abraham knew God sent them.

18:3-8. He offered them food, drink, and rest. He hurried to prepare a meal, and sat with them under a tree.

18:9. They asked where Sarah was. He told them.

18:10. They said, “I will return in one year. She will have a son by then.”

18:11-12. Sarah overheard and started laughing- she didn’t believe it was possible!

18:13-15. God was offended, and Sarah denied she ever laughed. But God knew better.

18:16. After some time, the men went to leave. Abraham showed them the way out.

18:17-19. “I’m so proud of him,” God said.

18:20-21. “But there’s lots of evil in Sodom & Gomorrah,” God said, “I’m going to go see if it’s actually that bad. If it is, I’m going to destroy it.”

18:22-25. Abraham heard and said, “But what if you find 50 good people? Will you still destroy it? You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

18:26. God said, “No, fine, I wouldn’t.”

18:27-32. Abraham said, “What about 45? 30? 20? 10?”
God said, “Even if I find only 10 good people, I won’t destroy them.”

18:33. Abraham went back home.

19:1-2. Two angels arrived in Sodom. Lot was there and saw two angels arrive. He offered to take them in, but they refused.

19:3. But Lot was insistent, and eventually convinced them to come over. They stayed the night.

19:4-5. A bunch of people gathered outside the home and demanded Lot bring the angels out to sexually assault.

19:6-8. Lot tried to convince them otherwise, but they weren’t having it.

19:9. The people did not take this well, and so they tried to break down Lot’s door.

19:10-11. But the angels pulled Lot back inside, and made all the people blind.

19:12-13. The angels warned Lot to warn his family that the town was going to be destroyed.

19:14. Lot tried to warn some people, but they thought he was joking.

19:15-17. Lot was hesitant to leave, so the angels had to pull him out of there. They told them all to run.

19:18-22. Lot asked to go to a small town, and the angels allowed it.

19:23. Lot got to the small town by morning.

19:24-25. It started raining sulfur. God burned down all the cities and plants in the valley.

19:26. Lot’s wife looked back to see the destruction and then instantly turned into a pillar of salt.

19:27-29. The next morning Abraham got up and saw the smoke rising from the valley. God helped save Lot in honor of Abraham.

19:30. Lot and his daughters left the small town and found a cave.

19:31-38. One day his daughters got him blacked out drunk and decided to sexually assault him in order to have their own children.

20:1-2. Abraham and Sarah set off traveling, and he ended up lying again about Sarah, saying she was his sister.

20:3-7. Another king took interest in Sarah, but luckily God gave him a warning and threatened him because she was married to Abraham.

20:8-10. The king went up to Abraham, and was like, “What the heck, why did you lie?”

20:11-12. Abraham said, “Well, technically, she is my half-sister, she just is also my wife, too.”

20:13-16. The king gave Abraham a bunch of animals and money and land and apologized to Sarah.

20:17-18. Abraham prayed, and God removed the curse on the king’s people, that was preventing them from having children.

21:1-7. Sarah got pregnant and gave birth just like God said. They named him Isaac, and Sarah laughed about how surreal it was to give birth at her age.

21:8-13. One day, Sarah saw Ishmael making fun of Isaac. She got furious and demanded they be kicked out and banished. Abraham was hesitant, but God backed Sarah up.

21:14. Abraham set Hagar & Ishmael on the road with some food and water the next morning.

21:15-16. They wandered until the water ran out, then she left the boy under a bush and walked away, knowing they were going to die. She began to cry.

21:17-18. God heard and sent an angel. The angel told her one day Ishmael was going to become a great nation, to go to him and look again.

21:19. She went over and saw a well of water.

21:20-21. From then on, God blessed Ishmael as he grew up to one day get married.

21:22-24. The king made Abraham promise he was going to be fair and peaceful to his people. Abraham agreed.

21:25-31. They had a little agreement deal over a well that Abraham had built, trading a few animals for the rights to it

21:32. The king left.

21:33. Abraham planted a tree.

21:34. Abraham stayed in the land for a long time.

22:1-2. A while later, God decided to test Abraham. He told him to sacrifice his son on a mountain.

22:3-5. Abraham left the next morning with his son, some wood, and some workers. They traveled for 3 days, and when they got close, he told his workers to stay behind.

22:6. Abraham told Isaac to carry the wood for their sacrifice.

22:7. Isaac said, “Okay, but where’s the animal for the sacrifice?”

22:8. Abraham said, “Uh, God will provide it.”

22:9-12. They reached the place God showed Abraham. Abraham set up an altar and tied Isaac to it. Abraham went to stab Isaac, but an angel stopped him, and said “Okay, you’ve proved yourself!”

22:13-14. Abraham looked around and found and killed a goat instead.

22:15-18. God was very impressed, and triple promised to bless Abraham and his descendants.

22:19. They went back home.

22:20-24. Abraham had a whole family of nieces & nephews.

23:1-2. Sarah died at 127 years old. Abraham was very sad.

23:3-6. Abraham asked some people if he could bury his wife on their land, and they were more than happy to help.

23:7-16. Abraham asked for a specific property- so they tracked the owner down. The owner was eager to sell not just the part Abraham wanted, but a little field, too. It was a very polite and courteous business deal.

23:17-20. Abraham paid a fair price and buried his wife in the cave. That became the spot for his family going forward.

24:1-5. Abraham was very old and very blessed. He asked his servant to go back to his home country and find a wife for Isaac.

24:5. The servant said, “What if I can’t find anyone? Should I then take Isaac to your home country?”

24:6-8. Abraham said, “Absolutely not, God took us away from there for a reason, and gave us this land. God will send an angel- if the woman doesn’t want to come, that’s fine, just don’t take Isaac back there.”

24:9. The servant agreed.

24:10-21. The servant left and looked for a suitable wife. He knew it would be someone nice and compassionate, so he asked God for a sign. Soon there was a woman named Rebekah who came up and offered him and his camels water. She made sure they all had plenty.

24:22-23. He asked who her father was- and if there was enough room for them at their house.

24:24. She answered, and said they have plenty of room and straw for the camels.

24:25-27. The servant knew this was the sign and praised God.

24:28. Rebekah ran home and told everyone what happened. Her brother Laban ran out to the spring to meet the man and invited him back to the house.

24:29-33. They brought the servant back to the house and got him clean and washed and offered him food. But the servant said, “I must tell you who I am first.”
Laban nodded.

24:34-49. The servant said, “I come from Abraham- who is rich with animals and metals and workers. He told me to come looking for a wife for his son, Isaac, who I think would be perfect with your sister, Rebecca. Then all this stuff happened here today, which shows God is blessing us.”

24:50-51. Laban shrugged his shoulders, “Sounds fine with me.”

24:52. The servant gave them all marvelous gifts, they ate and drank and spent the night.

24:53-61. In the morning, the servant was ready to leave, but the family wanted to wait a little bit. They asked Rebekah what she wanted to do, and she said she was ready to leave. They blessed her and left.

24:62-67. One day in the desert, Isaac saw some camels in the distance approaching. Rebekah saw Isaac and covered her face with a veil. They got married and were happy.

25:1-4. Abraham did marry another woman named Keturah and had a few other kids.

25:5-11. For the most part, Abraham left everything to Isaac, but a few other children got stuff. Abraham died and was buried with Sarah.

25:12-18. Ishmael had a bunch of children and eventually died.

25:19-23. Rebekah couldn’t have children, so Isaac prayed, and she got pregnant. They were twins, and they fought in her womb.

25:24-26. When they were born, Esau came out first, and Jacob was holding onto his heel.

25:27-28. Esau became a hunter, which impressed Isaac, and Jacob hung out at home, which made him Rebekah’s favorite.

25:29-30. One day, Jacob was making some stew, and Esau came in from hunting. He was very hungry, and asked for stew.

25:31. Jacob said, “Fine, I’ll trade some stew for your inheritance.”

25:32. Esau said, “My inheritance isn’t going to help me now! Whatever!”

25:33-34. They shook on it, and Jacob gave Esau some soup & bread.

26:1. There was another famine, like back in the time of Abraham. Isaac went to seek help from a king.

26:2-6. God appeared to Isaac, and warned him not to go further to Egypt, and gave him a closer spot to go to instead, where God promised to continue his blessing to Abraham. They stayed in a place called Gerar.

26:7. Some of the locals there asked him who Rebekah was. He lied and said it was his sister, not his wife, because he thought it would make people jealous of him.

26:8. They lived there for a while. One time, the king looked and saw Isaac hugging and kissing Rebekah.

26:9-11. The king called Isaac into his quarters and questioned him. Isaac admitted the truth. At first the king was upset at his lie, but then he gave them protection.

26:12-13. So Isaac planted crops in the land and had a huge bounty and became rich. He kept growing richer with animals and farmland and servants.

26:14-16. They started becoming jealous of him, so they filled all his wells with dirt, and the king told him they had to leave, because they had grown too powerful.

26:17-18. Isaac moved away, and found another place Abraham had settled before. He freshened everything up just like his father had them.

26:19-22. Isaac tried digging wells, and it took 3 tries to find a spot where no one was. But then they were set with water.

26:23-25. One night, God appeared to Isaac and congratulated him. Isaac marked the spot and built an altar.

26:26-31. Then, the king that had just kicked them out came to visit Isaac. He asked for a peace treaty. Isaac made them a feast and they agreed to peaceful terms.

26:32-33. They found another well of water and opened it up.

27:1-4. When Isaac was old, he called for Esau. He told Esau to go on a big hunt and get a bunch of tasty food, and then he will give him the inheritance and blessing.

27:5-10. Rebekah overheard Isaac give this instruction to Esau, so she went and told Jacob. She told him to go get two goats, and she will cook it for Isaac just how he likes. That way they will trick Isaac into giving Jacob the inheritance and blessing instead.

27:11-17. Jacob was hesitant, but Rebekah made him do it. He went and got the goats and she cooked them. She then took Esau’s clothes and put them on Jacob, and covered him in goat hair to make him hairy like Esau was.

27:18-24. Jacob went to Isaac, but said it was Esau returning with food. Isaac tested him, and Jacob lied 3 times saying he was indeed his brother.

27:25. Isaac asked for the food, and Jacob gave it to him along with some wine.

27:26-29. Isaac asked for a hug, and could then smell Esau’s clothes Rebekah put on him, so he was finally 100% convinced, and blessed Jacob. Jacob left the tent.

27:30-32. Just then, Esau got back from the hunt, and went to go see Isaac with the food, saying who he was.

27:33. Isaac said, “Then who the heck was just here? I just blessed them!”

27:34. Esau said, “Then bless me, too, father!”

27:35. Isaac said, “Jacob tricked me and stole your blessing.”

27:36. Esau said, “Well don’t you like have any blessing left? What, did you run out?”

27:37. Isaac said, “I already made him ruler over you. What do you want?’”

27:38. “Did you really only have one blessing? I’ll take anything!” Esau said.

27:39-40. “Nah, you’ll work for your brother until you give up,” Isaac said.

27:41. Esau was angry and vowed revenge after his father died.

27:42-45. Rebekah again overheard and gave Jacob a heads up, and told him to prepare to stay with her brother Laban in her hometown until Esau calmed down.

26:34-35. Esau had married two women, Judith and Basemath. Isaac and Rebekah did not approve of where the women were from.

27:46. Rebekah was concerned Jacob would also marry a woman from the same country, and talked to Isaac about it before they sent Jacob off.

28:1-5. So Isaac called for Jacob, and gave him exact instructions on where to find a wife, and gave him a blessing, and directions on where to go.

28:6-9. Esau overheard this blessing and instruction, and decided to do the exact opposite, and married another woman his parents wouldn’t approve of.

28:10-15. Jacob started traveling to Laban’s house. He stopped to camp for the night, and fell asleep. He had a dream where he saw a stairway to heaven with angels going up and down. God stood next to the stairway, and said, “I am the God of Abraham and Isaac, and will bless you in the same ways.”

28:16-19. Jacob woke up and marked the spot, calling it the Gate of Heaven.

28:20-22. He gave a solemn promise to God, including promising to give a tenth of everything he gained.

29:1-6. Jacob kept traveling and eventually ran on some shepherds at a well. He asked if he was in Haran, and if they knew who Laban was. They said yeah, and that he should actually be by this spot soon.

29:7-12. So they chatted a bit until a woman came up with some sheep. It turned out to be Rachel, the daughter of Laban. Jacob filled Rachel in on who he was, and she went to go tell her father.

29:13. When Laban heard, he went to go meet Jacob, and brought him back to his home. They talked and were happy to see each other.

29:14-15. Jacob stayed and worked for a month before Laban asked what he wanted in return.

29:16-18. Jacob said, “I’ll work for seven years if I can marry your daughter Rachel.” Laban had two daughters, but Jacob loved Rachel, the younger daughter.

29:19-20. “Sure, why not?” Laban said. Seven years passed like days to Jacob.

29:21-24. After the time was up, Laban threw a big wedding. But it was Leah at the altar, not Rachel.

29:25. Jacob said, “I thought we said Rachel?”

29:26-27. Laban said, “It’s not tradition for the younger daughter to marry before the older. Marry Leah, then in a week you can marry Rachel, too. But you also have to work for seven more years.”

29:28-30. So Jacob married Rachel after a week, and worked for seven more years.

29:31. God saw that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah, so he let Leah have kids.

29:32-35. Leah had 4 kids- Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah. She kept hoping that each child would make Jacob love her, but he never did.

30:1-2. Rachel was jealous she wasn’t having any children, and came to Jacob about it, but Jacob knew he couldn’t do anything.

30:3-8. Rachel wanted to have children through her worker, Bilhah, and so Jacob had two more children, Dan and Naphtali.

30:9-13. Leah had stopped having children, and wanted to have more through her worker Zilpah, so Jacob had two more children, Gad and Asher.

30:14. One of Leah’s kids, Reuben, had found some rare plants out in the forest. Rachel asked Leah for some.

30:15. Leah said, “First my husband, now my plants?”
Rachel said, “Fine, you can sleep with Jacob tonight if you give me some plants.”

30:16. When Jacob came in, Leah told him he had to sleep with her that night.

30:17-20. Leah had a fifth son named Issachar, and eventually a sixth, named Zebulun.

30:21. Then they had one daughter named Dinah.

30:22-24. Finally God let Rachel have a kid, and they named him Joseph.

30:25-26. After all these kids, Jacob told Laban he wanted to go off on his own with his family and make his own wealth.

30:27-28. Laban said, “Please stay here, God has blessed me through you. Whatever you want, name it.”

30:29-30. Jacob said, “I’ve done a ton for you, but I need to do stuff for my own family.”

30:31. “What do you want?” Laban asked.

30:32-33. “Let’s split the flock. I’ll take all the animals that are striped or spotted. I’ll keep watching over yours, but will have my own. That way we’ll also be able to tell whose is whose.”

30:34. “Alright, let’s do it.”

30:35-36. They split up and Jacob kept watch over both flocks.

30:37-43. Over time, Jacob would take branches and put them in the water of the strong animals. This would cause their children to have stripes and spots. That way, Jacob got all the strong animals, and all the weak ones went to Laban. He became very rich this way.

31:1-2. Laban’s sons started to catch on and got angry with Jacob. Laban started to notice, too.

31:3. God told Jacob to run away and go back to the land of his family.

31:4-13. Jacob caught Rachel and Leah up with what was going on. He told them that Laban was trying to cheat him, but that God was with him, and that’s why they became rich. He told them about God coming to him in a dream.

31:14-16. Rachel and Leah were generally upset with their father because he didn’t give them anything, then he sold them, then he tried to take away stuff that should have gone to their children. So they sided with Jacob.

31:17-18. They got all set and took off on camels to go back to Canaan.

31:19. When Laban was out in the field working, Rachel stole some family heirlooms.

31:20-21. They didn’t tell him they were leaving, and they all left, heading for the country of Gilead.

31:22-23. Laban noticed three days later that Jacob had run away, and after a week, he caught up with him.

31:24. God told Laban not to say anything to Jacob, good or bad.

31:25-30. When Laban caught up, he said, “You tricked me! You took my daughters and ran away without telling me! I could have sent you away happy- we could have had a party. You didn’t even let me say bye. You messed up- I can hurt you. But God told me to be careful. So I will just say this, why did you have to steal my family heirlooms?”

31:31-32. “I was afraid you would not let me go. But I do not know about your heirlooms. If you find the one who has them- I will put them to death myself. Look around- if you see anything that belongs to you, take it back.” Jacob did not know Rachel had stolen the heirlooms.

31:33. Laban searched all the tents, Jacob’s, and Leah’s, and Rachel’s, and all of the servants, but could not find the heirlooms.

31:34-35. Rachel had hidden them on her camel’s saddle, which she was sitting on top of. She said she was on her period and couldn’t get up off it.

31:36-42. After Laban had searched and found nothing, Jacob got angry, “Did you find anything? Is there a reason to hunt me down like this? You searched everything- what here belongs to you? I’ve been with you 20 years- and never took anything that didn’t belong to me. It was rough conditions- burning hot in the daytime and freezing at night. I worked 14 years for 2 wives, and 6 years for my share of the flock, but you kept changing my pay. But God was on my side and saw my hard times. That’s why they warned you.”

31:43-44. Laban said, “Everything here came from me- these are my daughters and grandchildren and animals. But fine, let’s make an agreement.”

31:45-48. They created a pile of stones and sat by it. Jacob named it Gilead.

31:49-50. Laban said, “Don’t treat my daughters badly, and don’t get married to anyone else. God is a witness.”

31:51-55. They swore on the stone pile in the name of God, and agreed to it as a boundary. Then they had one last family meal. The next morning, Laban kissed his children and grandchildren goodbye.

32:1-2. Jacob continued on his way back home. At one point he saw some angels.

32:3-5. He sent messengers ahead of himself to Esau with a message of peace and offerings.

32:6. The messengers came back and informed Jacob that Esau was coming to meet him with an army of 400.

32:7-8. Jacob was worried and afraid, so he split his camp into two groups and hid one of them. That way, if they were to get attacked, half of his stuff would make it away.

32:9-12. Jacob prayed and asked for help.

32:13-16. Jacob spent the night there and spent some time to pick out some of his best animals to give to his brother Esau as a peace offering, hundreds of goats, sheep, camels, cows, and donkeys.

32:17-20. He sent his messengers ahead announcing that he was coming as Esau’s servant and these animals were his gifts. He sent them in three waves.

32:21. He spent the night at the camp.

32:22-26. That night, Jacob sent everyone away so he was on his own. A man appeared and wrestled with him until morning. When the man saw he couldn’t win, he touched Jacob’s hip which caused it to become twisted. Then he surrendered.
Jacob said, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.”

32:27. What’s your name?” the man said
“Jacob.”

32:28. The man said, “Your name is now Israel, because you have wrestled both with God and with people. And you have won.”

32:29. Israel asked the man’s name. The man did not tell him, but blessed him there.

32:30. So Israel blessed the place, and said, “I saw God face to face, and am still alive!”

32:31. He limped away because of his hip.

32:32. That’s also why you’re not supposed to eat the meat attached to the inside of an animal’s hip.

33:1-3. Israel looked and saw Esau coming with 400 people. He prepared everyone and went ahead first, bowing 7 times.

33:4-5. Esau ran to meet Israel, and hugged him, crying for joy. Esau asked who all these people were.
Israel said, “All the children God has so kindly given me.”

33:6-7. Everyone came and bowed to Esau.

33:8. “Why did you send all those animals?” Esau asked.
“To make you happy,” Israel said.

33:9. “I have enough brother, keep what you have.”

33:10-11. Israel insisted, and Esau caved.

33:12. Esau said, “Alright, let’s go.”

33:13-20. Israel said that he’d lag behind with his animals. Esau went back home, but Israel ended up finding another place nearby to settle.

34:1-4. Dinah was the daughter of Israel. One day, when out in the city, the King’s son Shechem saw, assaulted, and raped Dinah. He set out to his father to make sure he could marry her, too.

34:5-7. Israel heard about this. His sons came in from the field, and King Hamor came over to talk. The brothers were shocked and angry because Shechem did a horrible thing that should never be done.

34:8-10. But King Hamor pleaded to Israel to let his son marry his daughter, offering land and a peace treaty.

34:11-12. Shechem made a speech too, offering any amount of money to marry Dinah.

34:13-17. Their brothers decided to trick them. They said, “We can only agree to this if you guys decide to get circumcised. It’s our religion. But if you do, then we can marry each other.”

34:18-23. Hamor and Shechem agreed and took the offer to their soldiers. They talked them into it.

34:24. Every male in the city was circumcised.

34:25-29. Three days later, while all of them were still in pain, the brothers Simeon and Levi took their swords and went and killed everyone in the city including Hamor and Shechem. They rescued Dinah from Shechem’s house and left. The other brothers found all the males dead in the city and robbed it. They took everything, including the women and children.

34:30-31. Israel was upset when he heard about this, but the brothers defended their actions.

35:1. God told Israel to go to Bethel, where he appeared to him when he first ran away from Esau.

35:2-4. Israel got his family ready, and told them to get rid of any old statues of other gods they might have with them.

35:5. They left, and everyone around was too afraid to chase them.

35:6-8. They got to where they were headed.

35:9-13. God reminded Israel he changed his name to Israel, and of all his blessings he was going to give him, the same ones as his father and grandfather.

35:14-15. Israel built an altar at the spot.

35:16-18. Rachel was pregnant and started giving birth. She died during labor, and they named the child Benjamin.

35:19-20. They buried her and built a tomb.

35:21-22. Israel got on the move again. Reuben slept with his step-mother Billah.

35:23. Here are Israel’s 12 sons:
Leah was the mother of Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun.

35:24. Rachel was the mother of Joseph and Benjamin.

35:25. Billah, Rachel’s worker, was the mother of Dan and Naphtali.

35:26. Zilpah, Leah’s worker, was the mother of Gad and Asher.

35:27-29. They went to see Isaac, and he was old, and died. Israel and Esau buried him.

36:1-43. Esau had quite a few wives, and many children, and much wealth. He had to move away because there wasn’t enough room for him. His descendants ended up becoming kings.

37:1. Israel kept living in Canaan like Isaac did.

37:2. Here is a story about Israel’s son Judah:

38:1-5. Judah left his brothers and went to travel. He found a wife named Shua and had three kids- Er, Onan, and Shelah.

38:6-7. Judah got a wife named Tamar for his son named Er. But since he was evil, God killed him.

38:8-10. Judah tried to make Onan marry Tamar, but Onan didn’t love her and didn’t want kids, so he kept pulling out during intercourse. This was evil, so God killed him, too.

38:11. Judah then had Tamar live with her father until his son Shelah grew old enough to marry.

38:12-14. After a while, Judah’s wife died. When Judah got over it, he went to visit the city where Tamar lived. Someone gave Tamar a heads up, and she dressed with a veil on her face and sat at the road entrance.

38:15-19. Judah saw her and thought she was a prostitute. He asked her to sleep with him. She said, “What will you give me?” He offered a goat, but she wanted something in the meantime, his official seal and his walking stick. They slept together, she left and ended up pregnant.

38:20-23. Judah went to send her the goat, but no one knew of the prostitute he spoke of. He gave up looking.

38:24. Three months later, he received news that Tamar was found pregnant and was accused of being a prostitute. Judah wanted to put her to death.

38:25. As she was being brought out, she held up the seal and walking stick. She said, “I am pregnant by the man who owned these. Do you know who that might be?”

38:26. Judah was disappointed with himself and never slept with her again.

38:27-30. Eventually, Tamar gave birth to twin sons.

37:2. Here is a story about Israel’s son Joseph:
His brothers were mean to him one day while they were out working the fields together. He came back in and told his father that they were mean.

37:3-4. Israel loved Joseph more than his other sons, and made him a beautiful robe. His brothers got jealous and started to hate Joseph.

37:5-8. Joseph had a dream where they were making bundles of sticks. Josephs’ pile of sticks stood up straight and the others bowed down to it. This made the brothers angrier. They said, “Do you really plan to be king over us?”

37:9. Then Joseph had another dream. He said the sun and moon and 11 stars were bowing down to him.

37:10-11. He told his father as well, and his father was a little upset at this. “Do you really think we’re all going to bow to you?” Israel kept the dreams in mind.

37:12-14. Israel sent Joseph out to tend the flocks with his brothers, and to come back and report on how they were doing.

37:15-17. He got to the field where they should be, but they had moved on, so he tracked them down.

37:18-20. Joseph’s brothers knew he was coming and plotted to kill him. They mocked him by saying, “Here comes the dreamer! Let’s kill him.”

37:21-22. Reuben tried to convince them not to hurt him directly, but to throw him in a well and let him die over time. He planned on coming back to rescue Joseph and take him back to their father.

37:23-24. When Joseph got to his brothers, they stripped him of his special robe and threw him into an empty well.

37:25. They sat to eat lunch, and some wealthy traders rode by on their way to Egypt.

37:26-28. One of the brothers, Judah, had the idea to try to sell Joseph to the traders. The brothers agreed and they sold him for some silver.

37:29-32. Reuben came back to get Joseph later, and didn’t realize he had been traded. He got angry and ripped his shirt. He asked his brothers what they planned on telling their father. They got the robe and dipped it in goat blood. They took it to their father, and asked him if he recognized it.

37:33-35. Israel did, and assumed wild animals had gotten to Joseph. Israel got sad and ripped off his clothes and put on his sad clothes. He mourned for many days, and all his other children came to console him. They weren’t able to. He said he was going to mourn for his child until he joined him in death.

37:36. Meanwhile, the traders ended up selling Joseph to one of the Pharaoh’s captains.

39:1. Joseph had been bought by an Egyptian captain named Potiphar.

39:2-5. God was with Joseph and gave him great success. Potiphar saw God was with him, and gave him lots of responsibilities, and put him in charge of everything. God blessed Potiphar’s family because of Joseph, and Joseph took good care of everything.

39:6-10. Joseph was strong and handsome. After a while, Potiphar’s wife tried to get Joseph to sleep with her. Joseph refused because it wasn’t right to do that to Potiphar or God. She didn’t give up trying, but he refused day after day.

39:11-20. One day Joseph was home alone, and the wife grabbed him. He managed to get away, but she held onto his coat. He ran naked out of the house. She took the coat, and told the servants that he had actually tried to force himself on her, but she screamed and he ran away naked. She kept the coat and told Potiphar the same story when he got home. He believed her and he threw Joseph in prison.

39:21-23. God was with Joseph in prison, too, and he got to be put in charge of all the prisoners. Joseph was successful in everything he did.

40:1-4. At some point, the chef and wine taster screwed up, and got put in jail under Joseph.

40:5-8. After a while of being in prison, they each had weird dreams, but didn’t know what they meant. This made them sad, and Joseph could tell. So he asked them what was wrong, and they told him their dreams.

40:9-11. The wine taster went first, and said, “In my dream there was a vine, and there were three branches on the vine. It budded, and flowered, and grapes grew. I took them and squeezed them into the Pharoah’s cup, and gave it to him.”

40:12-15. Joseph said, “The dream means that in 3 days, just like 3 branches, you will get your job back. When this happens, remember me- help get me out, too.”

40:16-17. Next, the baker told Joseph his dream. He said, “There were three baskets of bread on top of my head. All of the food was for the Pharoah, but birds kept eating it off my head.”

40:18-19. Joseph said, “The dream means that in 3 days, your head will get cut off and you will die. Your head will be put on a stick and birds will eat it.”

40:20-22. On the third day was the Pharoah’s birthday, and everything came true just as Joseph had said.

40:23. But the wine taster didn’t remember Joseph and forgot all about him.

41:1-4. After about two years, one day, Pharoah had a dream. 7 cows came out of the Nile River, and they were healthy and big. Then 7 little skinny ugly cows came out of the river, too, and ate the healthy cows.

41:5-7. He woke up and fell asleep again, and had a second dream. In that one, seven heads of grain were growing on one stem. Then 7 more heads popped up, that were dry and thin. The weak grain ate the other grain.

41:8. In the morning, Pharaoh was worried, so he called forth all his magicians and wisemen. But no one knew what they could mean.

41:9-13. That was when the wine taster spoke up and told the story of when Joseph had predicted both his and the old chef’s dream.

41:14-15. The Pharaoh sent for Joseph and explained that he had a dream he wanted interpreted.

41:16. “I can’t do it,” Joseph replied to Pharoah, “But God can.”

41:17-24. Pharoah explained the dreams to Joseph.

41:25-36.  Joseph said, “Both dreams mean the same thing. There will be 7 good years with plenty of food. Then there will be 7 years of famine where there will be no food and tons of hunger. You should appoint someone really wise and smart to help look over everything so you don’t run out of food and destroy the kingdom.”

41:37-40. The Pharoah and his officials recognized God with the man, and took his suggestion, and put Joseph in charge of Egypt- second only to the Pharaoh.

41:41-45. Pharaoh gave Joseph all his decorations, a robe, a ring and some chains, and gave him a chariot to ride around in, and even let him marry a woman named Asenath. He traveled all over Egypt.

41:46. This was around the time he was 30 years old.

41:47-49. During the next seven years, there was plenty of food. So much food was grown that Joseph could no longer keep records of how much food there was.

41:50-52. During this time, Joseph had two sons with Asenath. Joseph named his first son Manasseh, and the second son Ephraim.

41:53-57. When the seven years of famine did start, everyone in Egypt and from all over the world was short on food, and they all came to Joseph to buy grain.

42:1-5. Meanwhile, back in Canaan, Israel and his family were starving. Israel heard there was food in Egypt, so he sent 10 of the brothers to go buy food, leaving Benjamin back at home.

42:6-12. Joseph was still in charge, and still in charge of selling grain. When the brothers arrived, they did not recognize Joseph, but Joseph recognized them. He pretended not to, and asked where they were from. He accused them of being spies, but they denied it.

42:13. They explained more about their background, that they were brothers with one more at home and one more gone away.

42:14-20. Joseph demanded they bring their younger brother, too, and one of them was going to be held as collateral in jail until he got there.

42:21-23. They started talking to each other in their own language, assuming Joseph couldn’t understand them. They thought God was punishing them for selling Joseph away.

42:24-26. Joseph chose Simeon to take to jail, and gave the rest of the brothers full sacks of grain to take back. They loaded them on donkeys and set off on their way back.

42:27-28. When the brothers stopped to camp at night, they realized that all of their money was still in their sacks. They were terrified that they would be accused of stealing.

42:29-35. The got back to their father in Canaan. They told him the whole story- how the man who met them accused them as spies and kept Simeon until Benjamin goes to Egypt, and how all the money reappeared in their bags.

42:36. Israel said, “You’ve lost Joseph and Simeon, now you want to take Benjamin away from me, too? No way!”

42:37. Reuben swore on his own children’s lives he would bring back Benjamin safely.

42:38-39. But Israel said hell no- no matter how bad they needed it- which they did.

43:1. The famine continued to last, and they ran out of all their grain. Israel told them to go back to Egypt to buy more.

43:2-5. Judah warned him about the man’s warning, how the man wanted to see Benjamin

43:6. Israel was like, “Why did you have to tell the man you had another brother?

43:7. They were like, “Shit, we were being questioned, we didn’t think he’d actually ask to see him.”

43:8-10. Judah said, “I will be personally responsible for Benjamin. If we waste anymore time, we’ll all die anyway.”

43:11-14. Israel said, “Take tons of gifts, and that extra silver they gave us back. Then... fine. Go.”

43:15. They packed up the gifts and silver and Benjamin and set off.

43:16. When Joseph saw them approaching with Benjamin, he ordered a feast for them all.

43:17-21. The brothers were brought to Joseph’s house. This scared them and they worried they were going to get attacked. So they talked to Joseph’s steward and admitted the mistake with the money.

43:22-25. The steward said everything was okay, and brought out Simeon. The steward gave them water and food for their animals. The brothers prepared the gifts they had brought and set them out.

43:26-28. When Joseph got home, they bowed to him. He asked them how their father was. They told him he was old but doing fine.

43:29-31. He saw Benjamin, his brother from the same mother, and broke into tears. He had to excuse himself. He washed up and came back out, and ordered the food served.

43:32-34. Everyone was served food, but they had to sit at different tables. Benjamin got five times as much food as everyone else. Everyone ate and drank freely.

44:1-2. Joseph told the steward to load the brothers up with food and give their silver back. He ordered his silver cup be put in Benjamin’s bag.

44:3. The brothers were sent on their way in the morning.

44:4-5. Then Joseph told his steward to go after them and accuse them of stealing the cup.

44:6-9. When the steward caught up with the brothers, the brothers were taken aback, and said that if the cup is found, the thief will be put to death.

44:10-13. “Alright,” the steward said. They opened their bags, and started to search. The cup was found in Benjamin’s bag. They packed back up and went back to the city.

44:14-17. Joseph was angry, but the brothers protested their innocence. He demanded that Benjamin stay and be a slave.

44:18-34. Judah spoke up and said that if Benjamin didn’t return, then their father would die of heartbreak, because he already lost one son.

45:1-2. Joseph could no longer control himself, and had everyone but the brothers leave. He started to cry so loud the whole city heard.

45:3. Joseph said, “It’s me, Joseph! Is our father still living?” But the brothers were too afraid to answer.

45:4-11. Joseph said, “Don’t worry, it is me, who you sold to Egypt. But that’s okay because God used me to save everyone, including you apparently. So go back and tell our father that there’s still 5 more years of famine coming. So you need to come down here to live.”

45:12-15. He focused on Benjamin, “Tell father everything you’ve seen here. And come back quickly.” They hugged and cried.

45:16-24. Eventually news reached Pharaoh, and he welcomed them warmly. They were given clothes and land and animals.

45:25-28. The brothers traveled back and told their father. Israel was hesitant, but eventually believed them when he saw all the gifts.

46:1. Israel went to Egypt with his whole family, and God appeared to him and blessed him again.

46:2-27. They had a big family, Israel had 12 sons total. 66 of his descendants went into Egypt with him, so, including Joseph and his sons already there, was a family of 70.

46:28-30. Joseph met his father in a land called Goshen, and they met and hugged and Israel was very happy.

46:31-34. Joseph told them this is where they could stay, and gave them instructions to tell the Pharaoh they were shepherds.

47:1-12. Joseph went and informed the Pharaoh his family was staying in Goshen. Pharaoh said that was okay if some of them helped work and look after livestock. Pharoah blessed Israel. They got settled and were provided food.

47:13. There was still severe famine.

47:14-17. Joseph had already collected all the money in Egypt in exchange for food. So he started accepting livestock.

47:18-22. The next year, they had no livestock, so Joseph said they should sell their land and themselves into slavery. Joseph bought all the land and people in Egypt for the Pharaoh.

47:23-26. Joseph gave them seed and ordered them to give a fifth of the crop back to the Pharaoh. This established a law that continued to exist.

47:27. Israel and his descendants lived and populated the area of Goshen.

47:28-31. Israel started to get really, really old, and asked Joseph to be sure to bury him in Canaan with his ancestors, not in Egypt. Joseph agreed.

48:1-2. Years passed, and at some point, Joseph was told that Israel had fallen ill. He took his sons Manasseh and Ephraim to go see him. When Israel heard Joseph had came, he gathered his strength and sat up in bed.

48:3-10. Israel told Joseph that his two sons would receive the same blessings and inheritance as Israel’s sons.

48:11. “Bring them here,” Israel said to Joseph, “I never expected to get to see your face again, but yet, I also get to see your children as well.”

48:12-20. Israel blessed Joseph, Manasseh, and Ephraim. He blessed the second born Ephraim ahead of the first born Manasseh.

48:21-22. Then Israel said, “I am about to die, but God will continue to be with you. I am splitting up my land equally, but you, Joseph, get two pieces of land.”

49:1. Then Israel called all of his sons together at once.

49:2. He said, “Listen, Sons of Israel, to your father.

49:3-4. Reuben, you are my firstborn, strong and powerful, high in honor, but since you shit in my bed, you will no longer succeed.

49:5-7. Simeon and Levi, you brothers of violence. I split up and scatter your family around the land.

49:8-12. Judah, your brothers will praise you. You will defeat your enemies and earn the loyalty of your family. You are like a lion, and you will continue to rule.

49:13. Zebulun gets to live by the sea.

49:14-15. Issachar is like a donkey- even though they will have to work hard, they won’t mind it and will put up with it.

49:16-18. Dan will help provide justice for you all.

49:19. Gad will be attacked but will defend themselves,

49:20. Asher will be rich,

49:21. Naphtali will be free,

49:22-26. Joseph is pretty much the shit, he’s awesome and God has blessed him greatly. Pay attention to him.

49:27. Benjamin is like a wolf.”

49:28. Thus, the families from these children were called the 12 Tribes of Israel.

49:29-33. “Remember to bury me with my family in the cave my grandpa Abraham bought,” Israel said, and died.

50:1. Joseph hugged and kissed and cried over his father.

50:2-3. Joseph had him embalmed, and everyone mourned for 70 days.

50:4-14. Joseph asked the Pharaoh for permission to take a little trip and bury his father. The Pharaoh allowed it. A ton of people went in support. They mourned very loudly for 7 days, and returned to Egypt.

50:15-21. Joseph’s brothers were a little worried that Joseph was going to get revenge now that their father was dead, but Joseph assured them they were all good.

50:22-23. Joseph lived a long life, and got meet his great-grandchildren.

50:24. One day, Joseph said, "I'm going to die soon- but eventually, God will send someone to get you out of here, and into the land that was promised to Abraham and our father."

50:25. Joseph made his brothers promise that they would take his bones out of Egypt when they left.

50:26. Joseph died at 110, and was placed in a coffin.